I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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