Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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