when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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