you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Come see our sink grown plant.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
