apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize