Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
