if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I booty called her while she was in labor.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
