not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
