I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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