she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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