i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
a search helicopter?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
