is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
