I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
