I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
