Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
