I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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