he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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