he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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