A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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