This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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