Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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