You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
