Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
