AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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