i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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