I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize