Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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