Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
