There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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