Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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