bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
