I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize