I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
