I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize