my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
