The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
