No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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