my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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