I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
