Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize