Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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