its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
