Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
