Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
