Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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