Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
