Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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