Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
