How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
