Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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