dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
