I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
