i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize