chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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