I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
