I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
