When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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