i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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