Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize