how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
