Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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