I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it glows. i had to have it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
